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(no subject) [Jul. 7th, 2006|11:28 am]


The file lay on the desk under a grimey old coffee cup , a copy of the days newspaper and a half devoured doughnut which was being carefully watched by a nit-picking panda in the background. From the angle he was looking, Bob could clearly make out the words on the label. Stealth Monkeys, Weaknesses.

"Just what we need!" thought Bob, who was tiring of the Human-Simian War that had been raging for so long and had cost him so much.

Reaching across for this information, Bob became sloppy and didn't hear the Whoosh of the axe blade that cleanly removed his head.

The Stealth-Monkey laughed, the fake file had worked, just as the Monkey Captain had told him...

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Monkey sighting!!!!! [Jan. 9th, 2005|09:30 pm]

"Last reported sighting of the stealth monkeys was on August 25th", stated Frank. Frank was always stating things, no emotion ever entered his speech. Many of his platoon at the the Stealth Monkey Investigation HQ jokingly thought he may have been some type of android/cyborg/robot type thing. If it wasn't for the fact that he constantly whistled theme tunes to 80's TV shows, the platoon would have actually believed it. "Nobody would build a machine that does something that stupid", protested Bob, who was busily downloading hard core pornography onto his laptop.

Little did they know that Frank actually was created by the stealth monkeys as a weapon to infiltrate the SMI and that the time was approaching when their terrible plan was to begin...............
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(no subject) [Aug. 25th, 2004|04:58 pm]

[mood |pissed offpissed off]

Hockey sticks! Hockey sticks everywhere! Ahahahahahaha!

How many times have you wished for a hockey stick or two with which to brutally beat something or someone to a bloody pulp? Or even just a bloody mess, if pulping is not quite your style. Too many times, I fear - usually because most don't carry a hockey stick with them at all times. And that was our mistake. We'll learn, those of us who are left.

Of course, I had discovered that is was the monkeys who had secretly been spiriting away our hockey sticks in preparation for their invasion. From under beds, in closets, amongst dirty striped socks or left out in the back yard, hockey sticks had been disappearing for years without anyone realising what was truely going on. But now I had finally found out. I had found the stockpile, well one of the many that no doubt dotted the globe. Heavily patrolled and under constant security, the sight was awesome.

There's something about the curve in a hockey stick that makes it far more appealing as a weapon than the oft-used baseball bat. Perhaps the lack of leverage that the hockey stick provides inspires more terror, or the fact that it has one side flat and the other curved. Regardless, it is a fearsome weapon. A weapon that, if I could somehow distribute to the pockets of humanity that remained, could well turn back the tide that threatened to sweep our existence from the annals of time.

But first, I had to get past the security. And for that, I would need my Unsonic Screwdriver...
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story eight [Aug. 6th, 2004|01:47 pm]

[mood |crushedcrushed]

are they gone? they have to be gone right?
i cant hear any thing, it has to be a good thing


i was in a toilet cubicle, clutching at my shins, sitting on the lid of the toilet. they were just here, quiet as a mouse, quiet as a mouse. don’t let them know. they must have known i was here, its not half obvious. i let out my breath, i realized id been holding it in fear. i heard something on the other side. fuck. what to do, what to do. why on earth did i run in to a room clearly marked toilet, then a freaking cubicle. im nuts. i have to be. maybe there really is no one on the other side, this must all be in my head. first the monkeys, then the robots. all in my head. i giggled. then i realized, big mistake.


i held my breath again. shuffling, whirrs. they must be out there. fucking robots. I looked around. the roof, nothing. the floor, nothing. ahh but shadows. great, just what a needed, my fears realized. dammit. fucking robots. we would have been better off with the monkeys and others. probably wondering what happened to them? yeah bet you are.

after I woke up and saw nobody around me I got up and looked around cautiously. where were those creatures. there was nothing anywhere. I couldn’t be out for that long. everything was cleaned up. I went over to the door and tried to yank it open. yeah you guessed it. unable to. seems I was locked in. may explain why I was the only thing left. I remembered my leg. I looked at it, nothing wrong with it, odd. I poked at it for a minute, completely fine, extremely confused am i*. I looked out the window and saw the tunnel. great. I looked behind me and noticed the room was nicely lit, only to discover that it was just a hole in the wall. I turned back the the window and immediately stumbled back in shock. there was a face filling up the whole window, BAH. I fell over myself and landed on the floor. I propped myself up with my elbows and stared at the face, with its glowing red eyes. what? I shook my head, my what shinny skin you have, all nice and silvery. the face disappeared and the door opened. in front of me was a big shinny duder, didn’t even look like a monkey. I slowly got to my feet and backed away a bit. he was one menacing mofo.
“sup” I said with a nod
the robot continued to look at me
“sup, g?”
“come with me” the robot moved off, so naturally I followed.
the robot was strikingly similar to that robots from that video clip but that artist thats totally cool. except with out the boobs. much like that movie, but not. it lead me to the labs where I was so rudely ejected from, though it didn’t seem like labs anymore, just a nicely furnished office. behind the desk was a shinny gold robot, big kahuna I bet. you know me, highly intelligent and such.
anyway the gold robot starts ranting at me about the monkeys and the others and how he destroyed them all. the monkeys had created the race of robots in order to keep order on the others, the robots weren’t terribly impressed with this so they destroyed everyone, except the humans. they were still hunting down pockets of them. which is where I come in. apparently im supposed to help out with that. now ive got no problems with robots taking over the world, but the fuckers didn’t even ask. I scanned the room as he talked looking for an opportunity. there were doors everywhere, and the only other robot in the room was the one that brought me here. so to run or not to run. and on top of that which door? pretty confusing let me tell you. then the monkey just stared at me. didn’t say a thing. it was very uncomfortable. I cocked my head at him went to say something then ran off to the left. made it too a door and ran through it, after opening it of course. there was a hallway of door, I ran up a little spied the toilet door, then ran in shut the doors and crawled under each cubicle till I was at the furtherest one, climbed onto the seat pulled my legs up and hugged them.

now weve caught up, what the fuck do I do.

*insert yoda voice here
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(no subject) [Aug. 2nd, 2004|09:55 am]

would you look at that i forgot about stealth monkeys :(
ill have to remedy that
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(no subject) [Apr. 30th, 2004|01:49 pm]

as i woke up i wondered why the sky was orange
it hadnt been that way before
at least not for a while
it wasnt a pleasant orange either more of a fanta orange
there were no clouds no clouds at all
and no sun
just the orange sky radiating light constantly
strangely enough the light was not orange it was as if someone was shining a light on a fanta orange wall so while it provided a stark contrast everything else looked normal
i walked to the pier as i often did and saw her standing there
she was wearing a dress made of a light material so it fluttered in the slight breeze
her hair was long and dark a rich dark chocolate cascading down to her shoulders and then blowing away in the wind
her dress was a deep moroon so deep it seemed black in areas
she was facing away from me looking out at the crystal blue sea
i looked at her as i approached she wasnt wearing shoes but had a pair of sandshoes in her right hand her legs were shapely and long and her dress played cheekily around her thighs
its strange she said as i reached her but without looking at me that the salty breeze can feel so smothering and so clear at the same time
i knew what she meant but chose not to say anything i just looked at her pretty face before turning to stare at the ocean the orange sky blended with the rich blue on the horizon
we should find a boat and escape this place she said casually but i knew that she meant it
and where would we go i asked in return
to a desert island away from all of this just the two of us we can escape all this madness
if i had a boat then i would go right now i told her wistfully my boat fabrication skills were sadly lacking and hence no boat magically appeared
perhaps tomorrow then she said with a hint of sadness as she turned and walked back down the pier across the sandy dunes and out of sight
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interlude [Apr. 19th, 2004|01:57 pm]

the robots will be told to go away. but not all robots respect the rules. turns out robots are cheeky fellows. i could see it coming. i just didnt know how to stop it. i realise you have no clue as to whats going on. and i know up until now youve not been told everything. rest assured. it will all be revealed soon. i expect you will want... need to know the truth. its a hard pill to swallow but its a pill that needs to be swallowed. if for your own good or the good of others. yes, the truth will be let out very, very, very soon.
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story seven [Apr. 14th, 2004|12:04 pm]

hammers are the answer
suddenly these thoughts are coming to my brain
i wish i had thought of them earlier
maybe when that crazy monkey doctor was stabbing me with a needle
that really hurt lots
and what was the end result of that?
more pain, so much pain you cannot even begin to fathom
i forgot where i left you however
a moment to ponder...

ah yes

now that needle he jabbed into me has caused me to forget things. ill be talking, just like before, and then BAM i forget what i was going to say, sometimes what i was even talking about. tis bad news.

so back to the jabbing

when i came too after passing out from the pain, i awoke to more pain. it was like my leg was on fire. i was still attached to the wires in the chair, still able to understand the monkeys, but there was mucho flameo in my leg... which i have said... sorry... another side effect is repeating myself
i just cannot help it
i managed to move my head to look down at my leg and saw it glowing red. well not real glowing, more like infected glowing. i guess that explained the burny feeling.

i looked up at the monkey, he was shouting at another monkey about the serum inside the needle. apparently what had happened was the monkey intern had stuffed up the transportation on the effort serum and put in a virus serum, which was then pumped into my leg. just before i passed out again i hear the doctor monkey telling the intern that he was to dispose of me because i am his mistake.

when i regained consciousness i was surrounded by humans again. the flame feeling in my leg had been reduced to a low spark. still hurt like a mofo though.
"are you guys part of the PAPPOS?" i managed to squeek out.
"wtf is the PAPPOS?" some random guy grunted
"people against primate pieces of shit league, they battled against the monkeys who took over"
"battled? we dont battle, the monkeys are our friends. if it werent for them we wouldnt be here"
"and... where is here?" i was beginning to become untrustworthy of these people
"below the labs, one of the interns brought you here after he was ordered to leave you for dead. the interns are plotting something."
"and what might that be?"
"shhh, dont tell him. you know what archie said. if you are unsure about someone you cant tell them anything. this guy comes in here and babbles something about this league of peopel against primates. he might be one of them. you dont know shit" a rather angry woman loudly whispered and then glared at me
"whos archie" i knew better than to ask but what the hey
"none of your concern"
"well who are you?"
i got a evil glare back
"so i take it you arent going to tell me?"
evil glare again
"ok then" conversation not one of my strong points
i tried to get up to leave and when putting pressure on my leg i collapsed, i heard laughter
"pretty funny i know. i wish i were you so i could laugh too" i stared around the room, silence
"fuckers" i muttered loudly
then everybody got up and left me and went back through the tunnels that surrounded us. well almost everyone. someone had stayed back hidden from view. i could sense them as i kept fumbling to get up and constantly falling down. this leg was going to be the death of me. the final time i tried to get up i felt someones hands supporting up me as i started to fall. it was the person who was going to tell me the interns plan.
"im jack" he seemed nervous
"thanks for the hand"
"thats alright, if i dont help you now then the others would get you"
"yeah" he seemed to be getting more and more nervous the longer we stayed there "we should be going now, here lean on me" his breathing was increasing "quick the others can smell decay" he pointed at my leg
"what are you going on about"
"we need to go now" he pulled me along down a tunnel
"whats going on?" i could hear pounding, like feet running
"shh, soon" he kept pulling me down the tunnel till we reached a door. he pushed me inside and then followed slamming the door after him. then he ducked down peeking out the tiny window. he looked terrified but relived.
i heard the pounding getting louder and louder.
"whats that noise?"
"shhh, wait" he kept peeking out the window
the room was in complete darkness and all i could see was the dim light at the window of the door. i managed to prop myself against the door and peek out the window. i couldnt see anything at all. but the pounding kept getting louder. then i could see shadows. getting bigger and the pounding got louder. then i could see humans, but they didnt look like you and me. they were somewhat altered. the appearance was different, but it was hard to say how. one thing for sure is that they were mad. they came running down the tunnel, looking all around, trying to find something.
most ran right past us. we sort of shrank away from the window as they ran past. just as i thought it was over, and i went to look through the window again, a face suddenly appeared. it was the most hideous face ive ever been witness to. it was searching through the darkness in the window, its eyes all crazy like, but it couldnt seem to focus on anything
"just keep still" jack slowly whispered
so i did
it jerked its head around looking for something, it breathed in, then sniffed, then snorted. snot and spittle falling on the glass. the next second it jerked, turned and ran off.
i just lent there. resting against the wood.
"that, my new friend, was an other" jack stood up
"what the hell?"
"others are humans that have been experimented on by the monkeys. they were trying to breed and new race of humans but it went completely wrong. some suspect sabotage others suspect humans are just unable to handle these modifications"
i slid down the door to the floor and just sat there. i just couldnt comprehend what was happening to the world.
"so these others run around attacking humans?"
"yeah, when ever they get the smell of blood or decay, like whats happening to your leg, they come a running. theyll tear you to bits if you arent careful. they have a poor sense of sight, which is why that one couldnt see us even though we were right infront of him. had you moved the smell from your leg, a smell we cant trace, he would have known where you were and would have broken down that door and attacked you. thered not be much left of you after they had finished. and even if you survived youd become an other"
"so its really a lose lose situation, how optimistic"
we sat in silence for a while
"so theres no way stop these creatures?"
"none at all... well blunt metal objects do the trick"
hammers are the answer
"what like hammers?"
"yeah i guess" he seemed exhausted
"what you dont want to win back humanity? you are happy for these things to be running around? i dont understand. you like these monkeys?
"no.. i.. i don...."
all of a sudden jack was lying on the ground
i looked up and saw the monkey from the lab standing behind him
i blacked out... again (i need to stop doing that)
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story six [Apr. 8th, 2004|02:04 pm]

"and it all boils down to effort doesnt it?"
i just nodded, i couldnt believe what i was hearing, or rather what i was hearing from.
maybe my situation should be explained?
im lying down on a dentist like chair, there are wires attached all over me.. mainly on my head. oh yeah and that last sentence? that was said by a monkey in lab coat.
yeah you heard me.

"the problems with you humans is that anything that requires effort normally doesnt happen. you are a slack species. if you had to rise up from the confines of what my species suffered you never would have made it would you? no. why? because of the effort involved."
i looked around me and saw more monkeys in lab coats quietly mumbling to themselves. this situation was messed up, i dont recall being able to understand monkeys before.

the last thing i remember what hearing news reports about monkeys, stealth kickboxing monkeys trying to take over the world.... wiping out hordes of people. then the air waves were full of monkey noises, then there were monkeys everywhere... all over the streets. i hid in a bomb shelter in my back yard that my parents had built way back when. i used to laugh at the stupidity of it. i never realised it would ever be useful other than playing in it when i was a kid.
when i came out from it a few weeks later the streets were empty of people. i wondered the streets looking for anything and never finding something. until one day as i rounded a corner i saw a group of monkey soldiers patroling the area. one of them saw me and shouted at the others and gave chase. i started running, the fuckers were pretty quick and soon had me surrounded. it sounded like they were trying to speak to me but all i could hear were monkey noises. one of them started flapping its arms around pointing to me and one side of the group, then that group started moving in towards me. the next thing i knew it was on the ground, then two more fell.

out of some bushes came people screaming and waving weapons in the air, some actually firing weapons, others charging with spears. the monkeys were soon overwhelmed and someone came up to me.
"dont worry mate, those fuckers cant bother you any more"
"haha we got them good and proper, aint gonna mess with PAPPOS no more" some one else said with a shit eatin grin on his face
"what the fuck is going on?" i shouted a little upset like, understandably
"you dont know?" the same guy who cleverly told me the dead monkeys were going bother me anymore
"no, ive been underground for weeks"
he then proceeded to tell me of the events of the past few weeks whereby the monkeys, using stealth techniques, took over the entire human race, killing any who opposed them, enslaving any who was left. a few people hid where ever they could and using pirate radio stations communicated and formed the PAPPOS (people against primate pieces of shit) and started a resistance, trying to win back the country.

the next few months involved me fighting alongside the PAPPOS. we took down a good number of monkeys but it was never enough. the last thing i remeber was a fierce battle, and everyone around me dropping like flies. then just as i was about to loose my head this huge monkey came up and stopped the soldier monkey from finishing me off. they shouted at each other in their monkey like fashion, then the larger monkey shoved aside the soldier monkey and grabbed me by the arms turned me around and pushed me off in the direction i presumed he wanted me to go. constantle pushing me, he led me to a army truck and forced me inside it. when id just got in the truck he pushed me forward so i fell forward onto the floor of the truck, i heard a noise like laughing. i looked up and saw more monkeys sitting inside the truck, one of them grinned at me and as i tried to get up i felt a foot on my back forcing me back to the floor. then i felt another foot, apparently i wasnt to get up.

we travelled a fair distance and when we stopped i felt hands lifting me up and forcing me out of the truck, in which i proceeded to fall out of. i must have blacked out when i landed on the ground because the next thing i knew i was in this chair attached to these wires and able to understand this fucking monkey. he started on a bit more about humans and effort and then when on to say
"but im sure we can solve the problem of humans and effort"
i looked up at him and saw the biggest needle that anyone in their life hadnt even thought of. apparently it was for me. he jabbed it into my thigh. i let out a cry and then passed out.
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(no subject) [Feb. 16th, 2004|12:44 pm]

he waited, taking his time to make sure he got it just right. he waited, and waited, and waited. and waited some more.

then, finally, he waited.
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